Saturday, April 21, 2012

My hope

I took a little road trip this past weekend with Julie and two of our kids.  We went up to see her parents for a quick visit.  They're both getting up there in age so we think it's important to see them when we can, which is not often enough. 

So we were on our way home when Brad Paisley came up on the shuffle of the MP3 player.  The song that came on was "When I Get Where I'm Going".  This song gets me every time.  As a Christian, I believe in an after life and I believe I will get to see those who have left this earth before me.  The part of the song that really hits me hard is when he sings "I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy and he'll match me step for step and I'll tell him how I missed him every minute since he left. Then I'll hug his neck." 

While both of my grandfathers died before I was born so I never knew them, my father died way too young.  I was 33 when he died.  My dad had a stroke about 6 years before he died that left him partially paralyzed on his left side.  This obviously affected his ability to walk.  He walked very slow after his stroke.  Whenever I hear this song at this point, I get choked up remembering how my dad struggled to walk and I think that when I see him again, he'll match me step for step.  And I'll tell him how I missed him every minute since he left and then I'll hug his neck. 

I don't dwell on the past, nor do I wallow in self pity at the loss of my parents and other loved ones.  In fact, I have never gone to any loved ones grave site.  My reason is because they are not there!  The grave only holds their bones.  What I do find is that I miss their company.  The conversations.  The friendship.  My dad and I had a very close relationship.  While he was my father and I was his son, we were also good friends.  It's those times like today when you remember how much you miss someone.  And so I take comfort in the thought of the future I believe in. 

That is my hope.  My hope of a new beginning.  That's what I cling to when I see all the evil in the world.  Like the first line of the last verse, "So much pain and so much darkness in this world we stumble through.  All these questions I can't answer, so much work to do." 

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