My hope

I took a little road trip this past weekend with Julie and two of our kids.  We went up to see her parents for a quick visit.  They're both getting up there in age so we think it's important to see them when we can, which is not often enough. 

So we were on our way home when Brad Paisley came up on the shuffle of the MP3 player.  The song that came on was "When I Get Where I'm Going".  This song gets me every time.  As a Christian, I believe in an after life and I believe I will get to see those who have left this earth before me.  The part of the song that really hits me hard is when he sings "I'm gonna walk with my grandaddy and he'll match me step for step and I'll tell him how I missed him every minute since he left. Then I'll hug his neck." 

While both of my grandfathers died before I was born so I never knew them, my father died way too young.  I was 33 when he died.  My dad had a stroke about 6 years before he died that left him partially paralyzed on his left side.  This obviously affected his ability to walk.  He walked very slow after his stroke.  Whenever I hear this song at this point, I get choked up remembering how my dad struggled to walk and I think that when I see him again, he'll match me step for step.  And I'll tell him how I missed him every minute since he left and then I'll hug his neck. 

I don't dwell on the past, nor do I wallow in self pity at the loss of my parents and other loved ones.  In fact, I have never gone to any loved ones grave site.  My reason is because they are not there!  The grave only holds their bones.  What I do find is that I miss their company.  The conversations.  The friendship.  My dad and I had a very close relationship.  While he was my father and I was his son, we were also good friends.  It's those times like today when you remember how much you miss someone.  And so I take comfort in the thought of the future I believe in. 

That is my hope.  My hope of a new beginning.  That's what I cling to when I see all the evil in the world.  Like the first line of the last verse, "So much pain and so much darkness in this world we stumble through.  All these questions I can't answer, so much work to do." 

A little bit of yourself.

Relationships are a funny thing.  I was thinking about how we all intermingle with each other to create individual, unique relationships with one another.  It got me to thinking about all the different jobs I've had in my life (I've had a lot!) and all the people I've met in my nearly 47 years and how many relationships I've had/have.  I like making friends and having fun, but I'm the kind of person that trusts almost too easily, and this can be a bad thing. 

Some people are pretty reserved, slow to get into a relationship, some people seem to be a bit wary while others give almost no thought at all about jumping into a relationship.  Me, I may not jump right into a relationship, but I tend to be a "benefit of the doubt" type of person, thinking that the other person would not mean me any harm.  This has gotten me into trouble many times.  I find out too late that the other person was only looking out for themselves. 

The other day I said something to a friend that was meant to help, but my friend took it as insulting, thinking I was being patronizing.  This was the furthest thing from my mind.  I apologized for my comment and tried to explain, but my friend shut me off.  I really felt unjustly convicted of a crime I didn't commit.  I hate that feeling.  I would never purposely hurt anyone.  I like people to like me.  It's my personality!  If someone doesn't like me, I keep thinking, "Why don't they like me?  What can I do to change that?" 

The following morning we were able to talk things out and all is good, but it got me to thinking.  Why did it hurt me so much?  Seriously, I was miserable.  I've known some people that couldn't give two hoots about what others think of them.  Frankly I've never understood how those people do that.  It seems impossible to me.  So what's different? 

I think it boils down to what I mentioned earlier.  It's what we put into the relationship.  If you put yourself into a relationship, you are putting a piece of your character into that relationship.  I look at it in the way it hurts when you stub your toe.  You know how much that hurts and it seems to resonate pain throughout your whole body?  Why?  It's only your little toe!  Much like that, but on the emotional side, you have a part of yourself in that relationship and when it gets struck, it stings.  And it seems, the more you put in, the more it can hurt when it goes wrong. Some people never put much of themselves in while others jump in yelling "CANNONBALL!!!".  It's us cannonballers that are the most susceptible. 

It seems the more you care, the more you give of yourself and the more at risk you are for pain.  But on the flip side, you are much more apt to have a very rewarding friendship.  That's why I treasure long relationships, because there is so much more of me in there!  That may seem self centered, but it's not.  It's the amount of me I'm willing to expose, to engulf in this relationship. 

I believe that God has blessed me with an innate ability to "get along" with people.  If you had to classify me, I would be the proverbial "people person".  There have been times I've questioned whether this is a blessing or a curse, but I know better.  I try to leave a mark wherever I go.  If I can leave a smile on someones face, it makes me happy.  Trying to leave a bit of happiness.  A little bit of myself.

It ain't easy...

Ugh.  That's what's on my mind right now.  Mainly because I have a lot on my heart and mind and what's sitting there is a touchy subject.  So how do I breach this subject?  To anyone reading this, take warning.  This is not an easy note for me to write and may cause offense to those of differing views.  It is downright painful to me, but I see many in the world going to hell and frankly, it scares me.

I read an article where Pastor Rick Warren was interviewed recently and the subject matter was same sex marriage.  Therein lies the touchy subject.  This subject leads to a deeper touchy subject, that being modern Christianity in general.

I'm not here to judge anyone, but as I interpret what I understand as the truth of God's word, there are many "Christians" out there not living a Christian life.  So here is my dilemma.  I believe God's word where it says in Matthew 18:15 that if your brother sins, bring it to their attention so that they will turn from it.  The problem is that in verse 17, it says that if they refuse to listen, treat them as you would a non-Christian.  I read that as losing friends.  It's a tough sell, but I think God was also trying to make a point.  Sin is serious.  Serious enough to warrant losing a friend over.

At the same time, God wants us to be Gentle as Paul writes in 2 Timothy 2:24-25.  We are to be kind to everyone, not resentful.  Verse 25 states that "opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth..."

This has been on my mind for some time now.  Struggling with the right words to say.  It's especially difficult when it is someone close to you.  Someone you love dearly that you see walking down the wrong path and you know that saying the wrong thing can cause a divide not easily mended.

I struggle for words then I read 2 Timothy 4:1-5.  ^"1 In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: ² Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. ³ For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. ⁴ They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. ⁵ But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry"

We as Christians are to "Preach the Word, correct, rebuke and encourage" and we are to do it with great patience and careful instructions.  I believe Paul wrote it this way to say "Don't torque people off".  So how do I tell the ones I love that they need to stop sinning without losing a relationship with them?  At the same time, Paul tells us part of the problem.  They are allowing themselves to be convinced that what they are doing is "OK", finding someone out there to condone their sinful behavior.  All the while, someone like me gets painted as judging.  I guess that puts me in the same category as Rick Warren.  Unpopular.

I have had a number of friends that get in a relationship and start living with their friend.  Not married and living together in my eyes is a sin.  I am not judging anyone, but from what I've read in God's word, sex is for after marriage.  So seeing as how where there's smoke, there's fire, I would assume people living together are also having sex. This falls into the category of gay marriage.  God's design is for a man to leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, to become one.   

I've seen many people claiming to be Christian and at the same time promoting homosexuality and gay marriage.  God called homosexuality detestable in Leviticus 18:22.  In the first chapter of Romans, Paul tells us about God's wrath, stating that God gave them (Sinful Humanity) over to shameful lusts. It says that "even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error."  I read this to say that it's wrong and a sin. 

God said in Hosea 4 that His people "perish for their lack of knowledge".  I find that a profound statement.  I read that to mean that people die because they didn't know better, or because they refused to learn.  All through the Bible you will find God telling His people to remember, knowing how easily we would forget Him.  If you've ever studied the Old Testament, you will begin to see how quickly His people forgot what He did for them.  How He has patience with us I will never understand.

So I pray.  Asking God for wisdom and guidance and all the while, it seems all I hear is that I need to stand my ground.  To stand up for what I believe is right.  And at the risk of losing a friend, or alienating a family member, I need to do what's right.  I don't claim to have all the answers.  That's never been my point, but I would feel remiss if I didn't say something.

I know someday I will stand before God in judgment and I need to know that I did what I thought was right in His eyes.  When He asks me what I did with my life, I want to be able to answer Him that I did what I knew how.  And when He asks me where my children are, I want to be able to tell Him, "following You".

The Good Old Days

I have always been a fan of radio.  Since I can remember, I was fascinated with radio.  Not just your normal everyday music station either.  Oh, I love music and listen to it daily, but other types.  I would listen to my dad's shortwave radio, trying to tune in far off stations from around the world when I was merely 9 or 10.  I would try to find a station far away that was speaking English to see just how far away they were.  I got really excited when I would hear stations in Europe or Asia.  I was also a fan of radio theater.

I was introduced to radio theater when I was pretty young, listening to WCCO radio late on Saturday night and they would play the CBS Radio Mystery Theater.  The series ran from 1974 to 1982.  I suppose it was around 1977 or 78 when I found this genre.  If there was a reason for me to go to bed early on a Saturday night, this was it!  I could lay in bed and listen to the theater.  I always enjoyed it while I drifted off to sleep.

To this very day I enjoy listening to the radio.  Still as fascinated as I was back then to hear a station thousands of miles away coming in like it's right next door.  I also still enjoy radio theater.  It is a little harder to come by nowadays though.  Not enough visual stimuli for the modern age to not have 3D, much less no pictures at all!  So how do I feed that need for the stimuli I crave?  I found that the Internet is awash with what is called Old Time Radio (OTR).  So much so that I bought an "Internet Radio" to tune it in!  The Internet radio basically just uses your wifi and has a basic search engine to find Internet radio stations.

One thing that is kind of weird and fascinating all at the same time is that many of the stations playing the OTR programs will play them unedited.  This means that they play the commercials as well.  Most of the commercials are for soap, or cigarettes, or some other odd item, usually for the lone sponsor of the show.  You can probably guess what the Campbell Soup Theater program had for commercials.  It's funny how advertising has changed over the last 75 years.

I was sitting here listening to an old Red Skelton radio program tonight and it got me thinking.  Is today's generation "missing out", or am I just being old fashioned?  I hope we're not losing the ability to fantasize, needing constant visual stimuli.  It seems that every movie coming out today is in 3D.  What about story lines?  What about plots?  What about a screen presence carrying the scene?  Do we need the 3D and computer imaging?  Could you improve on many of the movies of old by 3D or computer imaging? 

We used to be entertained by simple things.  Now it seems we are only satisfied with awesome special effects rather than a good story line. 

I guess I'm getting old.  It's just that I feel I'm too young to long for the Good Old Days...

Treat your wife right. It's more important than you may think!

I've been doing a little studying lately and have come across some information that I will call interesting.  It is in how God created relationships and how He views them, particularly the marriage relationship.  God created the family after his own nature.  God is Triune in nature.  There is God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  God is the Head, or in Authority, Jesus said He submits to the Father and the Spirit comes from the Father and Son.  OK, that is a REALLY simplistic view, but stay with me. 

If you look back at creation, there was one phrase that kept getting repeated.  "God saw that it was good".  Several times this is repeated, then in Genesis 2:18, God said "It is not good..."  Interesting!  What was not good?  That man should be alone.  If you think about it, it was the first time there was "alone-ness".  So God created woman and later said that the man and woman would be one flesh.  See a pattern here?  While they are two, they are one.  God's nature is to be in fellowship, as is man's nature.


So God created the man in authority, or the head.  The woman is to submit to the authority of the man and the children come from the man and woman and are to honor the parents.  Just like God is in authority and Jesus submits to the Father and the spirit honors the Father and son.

Unfortunately, the world has made the word "submit" into an ugly word and some men have abused their authority.  Many people today see the word submit and see a very negative attribute, but that is just not the case.  Do you see Jesus submitting to the Father as a bad thing?  Think on that for a while.

And now, allow me to show you what concerned me most in my recent studies.  It is in 1 Peter 3:7.  Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker (physically) partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.  It's those last 7 words that scare me.  "So that nothing will hinder your prayers."  Hinder means to delay, impede or hold back.  I read that as saying that if you don't treat your wife with respect, God may not hear your prayers!  The thought of that is truly frightening to me.  It also tells me that God takes this marriage thing VERY seriously. 

Need further proof about the seriousness of your marriage?  Read Malachi 2:13-17
Here is another thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, weeping and groaning because he pays no attention to your offerings and doesn’t accept them with pleasure. You cry out, “Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?” I’ll tell you why! Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner, the wife of your marriage vows.
 
Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? Godly children from your union. So guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce!” says the Lord, the God of Israel. “To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty," says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. “So guard your heart; do not be unfaithful to your wife.”  You have wearied the Lord with your words.

 It is unfortunate that we in the world have changed relationships and marriage into something so trivial and disposable.  It is just so much "easier" to move on to the next one.  I'm not writing this to judge anyone, but it is a frightening thought to me to see people throw a relationship away by being more concerned about self than others.  


So guys, respect your wife.  It's important!

The Letter of Anxiety

I have three children.  Two of those children have graduated and moved on.  Our youngest, Jeremiah, is currently in the 8th grade.  Today in the mail we received what I call the "letter of anxiety".  It is the end of the Trimester grade letter from school.  The letter of anxiety can also be a mid-term grade letter.  So why is it the letter of anxiety?  I'm glad you asked!

I was never a "great" student in school.  I believe part of the reason was that I was not all that motivated to learn.  I just didn't really care all that much!  At least not until High School.  During grade school I was also part of what appeared to be an experiment.  We were allowed to "learn at our own pace".  The problem with this method is that my pace was slow.  Painfully slow.  Like I said earlier, I didn't care.  By the end of 5th grade, I was still in a 4th grade math book. (The math books back then all carried a different design on the cover signifying what grade level the book was.)

For the 6th grade, my parents took me out of the private school I had been attending and sent me to a public school.  The first day of school is typically difficult on a new student.  You don't know the school or where anything is.  You many times don't know anyone so you feel like an outsider.  And for me, I was mortified at the thought of the teacher handing out math books and handing me, a 6th grader, a 4th grade math book.  I can still see myself sitting there when the teacher went over to the math books and started handing them out.  He got to me and gave me a 6th grade math book!  I thought, "Don't they know?"  "Did someone not tell them?"  A great wave of relief fell over me.

During the years of 4th and 5th grade, I knew I wasn't doing well and would get scolded by teachers and would get scolded, spanked and grounded at home for poor school work.  Looking back, I recall the scoldings, but I don't recall getting a lot of praise.  I don't blame my parents.  I think they did the best they knew how.  A lot of parents of my generation raised their kids the way they were raised.  With an iron fist.  Kind of a "the beatings will continue until morale improves" mentality.  I knew they loved me, but I think they sincerely didn't know how until after I was an adult.  Praise was not showered on children.

The toughest years for me in school were the Junior High Years.  I was overweight, had a poor self esteem and not a lot of friends.  I struggled to get passing grades.  I found myself imploding as a person.  I was very self conscious about my looks.  My parents would buy me clothes that were not flattering so I would tend to wear the same clothing over and over.  If I found something that I felt OK in, I would continually wear it.  Nike?  Adidas?  Not for me!  I got the Target brand shoes that hurt 5 minutes after putting them on. Pretty much spelled "DORK".

Combine these issues with my timidity and poor learning skills and it spells disaster.  In comes the dreaded "letter of anxiety".  Knowing when the mid-terms would be sent out, I would make sure I was the first one to get to the mailbox every day, looking for that tell tale envelope from the school.  Inevitably, a letter would be there.  I would open it to see which class or teacher it came from.  I would then hide the letter.  I learned it was best to hide the letter so that it would not get crushed in case the teacher asked for it to be signed and returned.  I found that most teachers either didn't care or forgot about them, but every once in a while, a teacher would ask me about it.  Then came the moment of truth.  To bring the letter to my parents.  The letter that said I was failing, or in danger of failing a class.  It was worst when there was more than one.

It was sad that I was afraid of my parents.  Mostly I guess I was afraid of my dad.  He did rule with an iron fist.  He was pretty no nonsense.  Now that I am older, things make a lot more sense than they did back then.  He had a pretty rough life and wasn't afforded a lot of love.  Like I mentioned earlier, I don't blame him.  Nor do I hold a grudge.

I feel like Bill Cosby here when I say, "I told you that story to tell you this one".  I had forgotten about the letter of anxiety until my son got into middle school.  Now the letter of anxiety comes again.  Only this time, the anxiety is not focused on me but rather, my son.  You see, he was diagnosed with Autism near the end of 3rd grade.  He learns things differently than the average person.  He has difficulty processing information.  It's hard to explain, but I will try.  Take your average word problem in math class.  You would read the problem, reason it out and complete the problem.  Jeremiah would read the problem and it would not make any sense.  Then he would just look at, get frustrated and quit.  However, if someone is there and can reword the same problem, he will get it!  He is a smart kid.  He just learns differently.

The other problem is the emotional side of Autism.  Autistic kids have a difficult time dealing with their emotions.  Things get out of sync and they tend to melt down.  Jeremiah has a terrible problem with this for a number of years.  He has gotten much, much better.  Emotions can be a tough thing for any teenager, but is multiplied for a teenager with Autism.

This year has been pretty good, but as always, there is some struggle.  The struggle this year occurred about mid year with one of his friends.  It seems his friend, who also has Autism, liked to push Jeremiah's buttons.  I guess he thought it was funny.  It got to the point where a teacher called me to discuss a plan to figure out what we could do because it was distracting other students.  Thankfully, it looks like Jeremiah has been able to overcome this issue.

So today I walked down to the mailbox and what was there waiting for me?  The letter.  Staring back at me all the way from the mailbox to the kitchen.  All those fears of my youth come flooding back, only this time, hoping that my son is doing well.  Part of me wants to open it on the walk back and another part of me wishes I would never have to open another one these letters as long as I live.  I get in the kitchen and open the letter.  Sure enough, it was the end of Tri 2.  And Jeremiah is doing AWESOME!

I know as parents we are not to compare our children and Julie and I really do our best at that.  I think so far, we have done pretty well, but I can't help the pride and relief I feel when he does well.  Life can be so hard sometimes and as a parent you want so much for your kids that you will do whatever you can to help them.  I never got choked up over the grades my daughters brought home.  I do now.  I am a very proud father.

I guess the next step for me is to get over this anxiety.  So, how do I do that exactly?

True Love

I know what true love is. I learned it from my Grandma Marie. My Grandma was a great lady. I recall her telling the story of how she knew when she would get married to my Grandpa.

She had told me that Grandpa was off to war somewhere in Europe fighting in WWI. They would write letters back in forth and after a number of letters, he had written to her and stated that he was looking forward to coming home so that she could wash his socks. I find that fascinating to this day! I mean just think of that! Something so simple meant the world to my Grandma. Now granted, laundry was much more difficult 95 years ago, but still, the gesture was so simple, yet had a profound impact on my Grandma.

Many people go through life struggling to "find" true love and never do, while some of us are fortunate to find that true love. So that gets me to thinking, "what made the difference?" Am I perfect? Heck no! Far from it! However I have been blessed with being married to a wonderful woman for over 25 years. I recall that Grandma liked Julie. That meant a lot to me.

Here was a woman that had seen a major depression, 2 world wars and several other wars, all of them with someone she loved fighting in them. She had seen the automobile come to life, radio, TV, the moon landing, microwaves and computers. All the technology of the 20th century and she was born when the horse was the primary mode of transportation.

Grandma was born May 30, 1897, in a much simpler time, but a much tougher time. And she knew that she was loved, because a guy wanted her to wash his socks. I think there is a lesson in there for us today. How much are we chasing after? How much of it is all that important? Isn't Love the most important thing?

I remember this story from time to time, like I did tonight. It always makes me smile, and tear up a bit, to think of something so simple, yet so profound. I thought for hours years ago about how I would ask Julie to be my wife. Grandpa asked Grandma to wash his socks.

Below is a picture of my daughter Emily with my Grandma at age 90 in 1987.